Recently my brother told me something his coworker said about communication: it must be effective, heard, and validated.
I went on to think about my closest friendships and how successful our communication is and then to how God’s friendship is in my life. We hear it all the time. Prayer is communicating with God. Today I am focusing on our personal prayer. It’s just you and God. One on one. I’m not dismissing communal prayer and making every part of your life a prayer, but I want to focus on formal and personal prayer because when we have fallen out of it or don’t know where to start, it’s easy to be lost.
So how is our prayer effective, heard, and validated with God?
Is it effective?
How are you praying? Are you saying the words or are you praying the words? Are you reading Scripture or are you praying Scripture? Is it personal? Is it vulnerable? Is it real?
Communication can’t be heard or validated without it being effective to start. How we pray is the first thing to think about in making our prayer effective. There are many ways to pray and it takes time to understand what works for us and what doesn’t. It also takes time to understand why we pray a certain way.
Prayer can be an Our Father. Prayer can be a Bible verse. Prayer can be music. Prayer can be writing. Prayer can be free form.
But these mean nothing when they’re not fully understood and fully intentional.
When you pray an established prayer, think about what you’re saying and what you’re actually praying. It took me awhile to appreciate the Rosary. I used to think it was monotonous when I would just knock out a bunch of decades and rush through all the prayers, but I came to understand its beauty and power when I actually reflected on the mysteries and their gifts.
When you read Scripture, reflect on what God is saying to you. The words of the Bible are words of God, and He’s got something to say. I will be honest and say that coming from someone who enjoyed English class, it’s interesting to dissect and analyze the diction and structure of the Bible, and those findings can make Scripture even more powerful, but that will remain trivial if it doesn’t connect back to how God is speaking to us and how that applies to our lives.
When you pray, pray. Merriam-Webster defines the word pray as “to address God with adoration, confession, supplication, or thanksgiving.” In order for this to actually be effective though, your adoring, confessing, supplicating, and thanksgiving must be real. With our friends on Earth, we don’t become close through small talk. Likewise, with God, we can’t be surface level. Jeremiah 29:13 says “When you look for me, you will find me. Yes, when you seek me with all your heart.” Let’s pour our hearts out and be vulnerable with ourselves and God in our prayer.
Is it heard?
Where do you pray? When do you pray? How often do you pray? Do you listen first? Are you distracted? How do you get distracted?
Once you’ve determined the most effective and vulnerable way for you to pray is, you then have to make sure that all of it is heard. The environment that you pray in is crucial.
Think about the places that you best focus. When I study I’m either in a café, library, or study room. These spaces range from silent, to loud, to just background noise. In all of these spaces I have some kind of music playing. But what I’m working on that day also plays into which environment is the most productive. When I’m reading a textbook, I prefer the background noise. When I’m working through long math problems, I need the silence. When I have easy busy work, I can deal with loud.
The same goes for prayer. When I’m writing and reflecting on the Gospel, I can have music playing with some background noise in a café. When I’m praying a Rosary I need silence (and sometimes community with a group Rosary) whether it be in a chapel or out in nature. But in all forms of prayer, I can’t be distracted.
Matthew 26:41 says “Watch and pray that you may not undergo the test. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
People can’t be walking in and out of a room. I can’t be tempted by schoolwork or social functions. My phone can’t be buzzing. I can’t be tired and look over to my bed at night. Diversions will cloud my prayer and shift my voice away from God. To begin formal prayer, I must remove myself from the world and create a time and space for God. I must be centered on God and keep everything reverent.
But something I have discovered is the gift of the Eucharistic presence of God.
Obviously one of the ways that I pray is through writing and I remember multiple times last semester where I had the worst writer’s block that I had ever experienced. But all of that changed when I sat myself in a Blessed Sacrament chapel. There truly is something special about being the presence of God through this beautiful Sacrament.
Pray focused. Pray often. Be heard. Hear God.
Is it validated?
Do you listen for God? Do you block Him out when you aren’t praying? Do you disagree? What do you do when you disagree? Are you patient?
My last statement in the “Heard” section was to “hear God” which can be the most difficult part of prayer. Unfortunately, prayer isn’t like a face-to-face conversation or phone call where you’ll get a direct response immediately. It’s more like a voicemail or text where you’ll have to wait a while to get an answer.
God will listen to our prayers, but the real question here is will we listen to Him? We must be vigilant in our daily lives to know how God is working. Sometimes we won’t notice how God is working until long after. Sometimes we won’t like how God is working.
But with everything that we disagree with, God will always end up saying “I told you so” in the most loving and knowing way.
He’ll have us face adversity. He’ll have us make sacrifices. He’ll have our hearts break. But “when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing” (James 1:2-4).
Everything we face is all for God’s glory and it’s all part of the plan. You might think you know what needs to happen or change, but ultimately, God knows best. You’ll grow. You’ll change. You’ll lose people. You’ll meet people. All the good, the bad, and the ugly will lead you to where you need to be. It might not be where you want to be initially, but God knows what you need.
And sometimes we’ll have to wait and wait and wait for answers. But remember that “there is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heavens” (Ecclesiastes 3:1). Our hearts might not be ready for what He has planned for us, but He’ll give us what we need to grow into our vocations. We’re on God’s time and it’s perfect.
So on our journey in prayer keep in mind how this communication is effective, heard, and validated. It’s a bumpy, curvy, and wild road, but “do not grow slack in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, endure in affliction, persevere in prayer” (Romans 13:11-12).
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